Suicide... and what I think!

I am sure almost everyone has thought about suicide at one time or another in their lives.

• "I just don't want to live anymore?"
• "What reason do I have to live?"
• "No one will care if I'm gone/disappear!"

Or the simple.....

•  "I want to die"

The truth of the matter is suicidal thoughts can be a detailed plan on how you will kill yourself or it can be just the thought that you want to kill yourself but not carrying out/acting on it.

"According to the FDA (Food and Drug Administration), there are about 30,000 completed suicides in America each year, an annual incidence of 0.01%. 80% of suicides are among males. Suicide is the third leading cause of death among 15 to 24 year olds. Twenty per cent of all suicides are among this age group." http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/193026.php

Thoughts of suicide can come from remorse, rejection, breakup with a loved one, sexual abuse, financial problems, death of loved ones, or illness. It's really hard to deal with an overwhelming situation, so many resort to the thoughts of not wanting to live.

Suicide is a very scary thing and affects everyone around that person.

This week is National Suicide Week.

39th Annual National Suicide Prevention Week

September 8th - 14th, 2013

September 10th is Suicide Prevention Day!

(These are the kinds of things floating around the social media.)

I am supporting my "LOVE" for myself, Brandon, and other close friends/family that have these thoughts. Will you do the same?!

Other ways to support this is by wearing yellow and lighting a candle by the window at 8PM.

Suicide hits really close to home for me.

As a teenager, my grandmother died; I became very depressed. She was the one I ran to as a kid when my parent fought. She was the one I ran to when I ran away from home to get away from the emotional abuse from my mother. Yes; I ran away to my grandmas house. LOL. She was my rock. She was my comfort and she was my everything. When I lost her, my whole world came crashing down. I became very depressed!

With that depression came thoughts of suicide. I thought about killing myself and dying a lot. The depression was apparently starting to show at school and I was approached by the counselor. The Counselor was approached by most or all of my teachers. They were worried about me being home by myself and felt they needed to take action. But like many teenagers, I didn't have much to say!

• Nobody cares...
• Nobody will understand...
• I feel so alone...

At home, I was told to snap out of it. It's a lot easier said than done and it made me feel 10X worse. I stopped eating and I went through stages of insomnia and constant sleep.

I brought razors to my wrists many times, but was always fearful of following through.

I've heard people say that people that attempt/succeed at suicide are strong as opposed to weak because they actually follow through. I guess in a way that is correct, but I think they are at a weak point in their lives because they can't fight it out. They can't believe that life is worth living. I've been there.

At the age of 26, I went through a stage of it also. Depression hit hard. .. I just left my husband of 10 years, I was starting out on my own for the first time in my life, my current ex boyfriend of 3 months hit me; so I ended that. A family member was being rude and just not treating my kids right, so we got into an argument. I lost my best friend. I wanted to die. The only thing I felt keeping me alive were my children and they are the best purpose to have. I finally decided to just let everything go. It wasn't easy, but one day I just snapped out of it.

One of my close friends "Brother" killed himself on March 30, 2010. My family and his family were close and I grew up with him.

I felt so angry with him. How could he just leave us all behind? How could he leave his kid? How can he be so damn selfish?

I understand that people kill themselves because they don't think life is worth living, but it really sucks for us left behind as we have so many questions and they have a huge impact on our lives. Missing them and knowing that we couldn't do anything to help. Not knowing the feelings that were going through their head. Could I have been a better friend? I should have called more often. What if I was there. It really sucks to lose someone from suicide.

I also have friends and family that have thought about suicide and fight the feeling constantly. It's all around us.

I'm grateful for the life I live. I may not have everything, but I've got very important and supporting people and things around me. 

I hope everyone is able to spread awareness about suicide. The ones that are hurting the most, you might not be able to see their pain. One day they might be gone. 

Tell everyone you love them all the time. Even if you tell them a million times a day, tell them you love them because you don't know how much that may help. You don't know the inner battle they are fighting with themselves. You don't know if that phone call or text with I love you's or how are you doing's will save their life. Don't take advantage of the people that are here, because regardless of how they pass away; suicide or accident, they are just gone. :0( 

That's the harsh reality! They are just gone! 

So spread awareness, you don't know how many lives may be saved! Sometimes they just need to know that someone cares!