I'm talking about my ex husband.
A little background information:
We were together from the age of 16. He moved away to Florida. He came back and we were together and lived together for 10 years. There is so much that I could say as to why this relationship ended after 10 years but I will have to get into that later. I will say that I grew up and he didn't. He caused a lot of my anxiety that I have now. We was hardly ever around and cared about himself more than myself and his own Children.
Who could not want to love every minute with these precious babies?
I was mom, a stay at home mom. So my time was consumed by my children. It still is.
Okay so now that you have a little bit of backgroulnd information....
He irritates me more than anyone I know. I've never been so mad at anyone the way I get mad at him. I know it's not worth the fight but I just wish I could say something to him.
He doesn't know how much he means to his kids (Cheyanne mostly). After we separated he decided to not take them at all.. .every weekend was always an excuse. Slowly it turned into every other weekend, with the kids kicking and screaming because they didn't want to go with him. Then he started dating a girl with a child and decided to take them every weekend. It was a nice break for a single momma working all the time.
I told him he couldn't claim them for income tax this last year and that's where he decided to make stupid choices. I was the one spending 400.00 in gas a month. I was the one there everyday. I was the one paying daycare. I was the one doing EVERYTHING while he was out partying.. He told me that he was going back to the original plan of every other weekend.
Whoa... OKAY?!.. That's fine, my kids are my life... but who do you think you are really hurting?! It doesn't hurt me. It's hurts my children.
He also freaked out and made a rash decision to move away from his children in order to better himself. Since then he has told me is no better off.
OKAY?! Again... Who are we hurting here?
Before he moved away he never NEVER once attended Cheyanne's Dance practices, while me and her stepdad were there all the time!!! NOT ONCE did he attend!!!
Right before moving he had 2 days off... Do you think he spent it with his children? NO he went to Colorado to visit his family. Mind you he is much closer to them now, then he is to his kids. When asked why, His response "I bought the tickets before knowing I was moving". WOW... okay.. so going to see your mom & dad is better than taking the loss on the tickets and spending that time with your children before you move away from them?! Again he is more important. He came and saw his kids for an hour after he got back from Colorado and then was gone.
He moved away in November 2012. Called for a week, crying that he regretted the move and missed his kids. I get it, you're homesick. He said he was coming back in the spring.
I've spent so much time trying and trying to fix him for my kids after we split up. It was a lot of wasted energy and time. As Cheyanne's therapist told me, you can't fix them.
He came to visit in January and had the kids for the weekend. I was told that they would be staying at my sisters house while he had them and that he was focused on spending all his time with them. When my daughter came home she told me that she was really upset because of her daddy. She told me that they stayed at his cousins all weekend and at night they were stuck in the bedroom watching movies while he was out partying with all his friends. She said that they were loud and that they were out playing beer pong.
I was LIVID! What kind of "Father" doesn't see his kids for 2 months and doesn't spend the whole 2 days focused on them?!
I called him and told him that when he comes to town he can have the kids from 7AM-7PM, that way he can still have his night life and my kids come home where they belong. I asked him why all those people were there... and his response was "I can't tell them who they can have over and who they can't, which I understand. (I know the amount of people they have over and how much they drink... these people were once my friends.) Why not spend the time in the room watching movies with your kids... or here's a thought.... stay where you said you were going to stay!
He also came to town in March and saw them for 2 hours. YES... 2 hours.
I know he loves his kids..... but they aren't his whole world.
The calls slowly disappeared. He called maybe 2 times a month now and only talks to them for a couple minutes.
As of today... 05/17/2013 he has not called to speak to his kids since the 5th. The kids have slowly stopped asking to call him. He accuses me of taking the kids out of his life (because I won't let them go to North Dakota for the summer) -another post, but he seems to be the one doing it to himself. My kids are very lucky to have their step dad in their life!
Sorry for such a long post... the next should be shorter as they are more up to date and in the now. :0)
A woman just making it thru life
Laura <3
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